Thursday, July 7, 2011

A Word on Semantics

There is a pizza place on my path to the subway from my apartment that claims many things in the form of window stickers: "Highly Digestible" "No Additives" "No Preservatives." All things that a good. However, the white lettering on its window that will keep me from eating this pseudo-gourmet pizza is "No Animal Fat."

They serve both meat and cheese in this joint.

Unsurprisingly, I have complained to my lovely wife (a lot) about this issue and she has informed me that I am no longer permitted to complain about this small oversight in the pizza place's advertisements. But that is why I have a blog.

Most likely, what our shop owners were hoping to impart to its customers at its locations in the Yuppiest of yuppy areas in the city that invented yuppies, is that its pizzas and sandwiches are made from whole foods, thus these foods are healthy. Ok, that is a nice thought but it is categorically untrue.

One could only eat whole, natural foods and still consume way too much bad fat, refined sugars and other stuff that makes us fat and slow. Just because it is organic or purchased for too much money at Whole Foods (note the difference) doesn't make the food good for you. Organic butter is still butter and organic double-stuffed (not) Oreos still have the same number of calories as the real ones.

It is hard to deny that eating real food like whole cheese and whole wheat within your pizza is better than ordering a Meat Lovers pie from Domino's but it still has fat and carbs that you aren't using.

However the issue that really drives me crazy is that ALL CHEESE AND MEAT HAVE ANIMAL FAT CONTENT. You can't have real food without what comes in it...cheese is made of milk fats and salt and meat comes from animals and tastes good because of the fat.

So this place not only assumes that you know nothing of what you consume but that you also need to have things that conform to trends. So while it is extremely hip to be a foodie, it is clearly still just trend. In this way we, the food loving elite in New York City, are no better than kids drawn to surgery cereals in the super market aisles. The lettering is just so pretty.


Larry K said...

Having been taught always to give the other guy the benefit of the doubt, and having worked with print media lo these many years, knowing how easy it is to lose a comma, let me propose an alternate interpretation.

The sign is supposed to read, No animal, fat. It cautions you not to bring your dog into the pizzeria, and also reminds you that, despite all the running, you are still overweight.

dcc said...

While I don't have a dog, I will heed the message and keep my fat ass out of the place...


It is a little known fact that many pizzerias put lard and additives in their dough. We do not engage in this practice.

No Animal Fat is in referance to our dough. We thought (perhaps mistakenly) this was self-evident. When we open a larger store with a bigger front window we will consider using full sentences.
In the meantime feel free to stop in.