Well, [Expletive]

I went back to the doctor today. Unlike my last appointment, I don't plan on running a marathon next week.  In fact, I am not sure I would be able to do so even if I was in shape for it.

Due to this change in circumstance it appears the doctor was more interested in finding the cause of my ankle pain and not simply patching me up enough to get on the road.*

After ignoring the pain for months and other stupid things like running when it hurt and being an idiot, I am off to get some radiation that isn't coming from the ocean.

I suppose injuries are part of running. But I would rather they weren't.  I also suppose that is part of the reason I ran through the pain.

My new doctor said today that I was "a tough guy" and it really has to hurt before "tough guys" come in to get checked out. The time line of my pain also supports her hypothesis. I hope that my imaging doesn't show some sort of long-term or permanent damage but you never know.  I trained really hard on a semi-nasty, long-nagging injury. It was stupid and I knew it was stupid, but I needed to get that tempo run in, you know?

There are many of us "tough guys" out there who train through pain and then are sidelined.  We know better.  We know we should stretch more.  We know we should strengthen our gluts and core. We know we should take the rest days seriously.  We know we should take the ice bath.  But do we do it? Many of us don't do enough or anything at all.

So while the insurance approves the MRIs and XRays I will have time to contemplate the fact that it is no long self-effacing humor to say I was stupid. I might actually simply be stupid. 

-----
*In retrospect it was probably not right of the doctor who I saw in April to say I could run the race in that condition without taking some sort of diagnostic imaging to back up her opinion. If the doctor said don't run, I wouldn't have run. I would have been pissed, but I also would most likely no longer be in pain.